Think about it...

"We wear our souls on our sleeves"- Willard

i.e. get busy doing God's work.

Twisted Straws

Friendly's: so many memories at that restaurant. On the last day of school my mom would pick my sisters and I up and we would be squeeling because the last day of school meant a trip to Friendly's for an icecream cone! After piano recitals, and then later flute recitals, we would celebrate at Friendly's. I remember having a heart to heart with my mom there about boys; ha what a surprise. When I was 7 years old I broke my arm, but the world was suddenly made better after my friend's grandpa brought me Friendly's icecream that very night. Enthralled with Shirley Temple and tap dancing, I always wanted the pink Shirley Temple drink with the thick crazy straw. Friendly's was the first restaurant where I stuffed myself as a kid to the point of pain and regret;  I could hardly walk because I was so incredibly full of foods laden with saturated fat, sodium, and calories (Ha. sometimes I hate that I know the inns and outs of food). Discovering their $0.99 kids milkshakes was the best find since hmmm goodwill stores? Waffle fries loaded with sour cream, bacon, and cheddar cheese coupled with a hunka-chunka pb cup sundae equaled perfection (Meredith!). As I'm writing this, I keep remembering memory after memory traced back to Friendly's... so why am I writing this? Because today I passed a Friendly's.

I work in the city. Yup, I lock my car doors, carry pepper spray (well, soon), and am constantly aware of my surroundings. Yea, maybe I'm paranoid, but when you hear stories that happened at your work or right next to it, you decide to start guarding your life.  So, on the way into the city today, I saw a Friendly's on my right. Apparently I had driven past it in the last 4 weeks, but being the observant girl that I am, I just noticed it today (maybe because a starbucks is located right next to it... bad girl, I know).

So it wasn't just any Friendly's. It was the one my parents and I ate at after visting Messiah. It was where my thoughts all collided together...

I ordered a mint sundae...classic. My parents and I talked about the school and the meeting with the department head ...they voiced their concerns. I voiced my fears.

As I was talking, I subconciously twisted the paper that once surrounded my straw. I told them how I knew I needed to go there. I told them how I was unhappy at my old school. I told them how much I wanted to be an R.D. I told them that this was totally out of my comfort zone. I told them that I knew I wanted this... I told them that I knew God wanted me to move, that I was getting too comfortable with where I was. I told them my fears. But, I stuck up for myself and for my feelings. They listened and respected my decision. And then they mentioned Robbie...

Robbie is the man I've been dating for 1 year and 6 months. He's the guy that has always believed in me. He's the guy that has always supported me. He's the guy that I can always count on to be praying for me. He's the guy that lets me share my thoughts, fears, beliefs, ambitions, and dreams. He's the guy that tells me not to worry but to give it over. He's the guy that makes me bust up laughing at his insane jokes, stories... or just by his personality. He's the guys that makes valient attempts to understand this crazy, emotional, changeable girl. He's the guy that helps me express my thoughts by talking me through any situation. He's the guy that showed me how to forgive and how to move on. He's the guy that is so very patient and so very loving. He's the guy that has my best interests at heart. He's the guy that helped me step away from my past and find my freedom in Christ. He's the guy that I can always count on to love me no matter what happens. He's the guy that was first my best friend before my sweetheart.

They asked me how I felt about leaving Robbie. I looked down at the paper straw I had been unknowingly twisting, and I had shaped it into a heart.

In the middle of Friendly's, the place of so many childhood memories, I cried. My life was about to change and that change involved losing a part of me that was always right beside me.
I know it seems silly to suddenly cry after seeing a makeshift heart, but I remember him making me hearts out of straws.... He's that kind of guy that shows he cares about me through little, creative ways. Leaving him would be the hardest part...and still is the hardest part of the decision I made that day. But, his support throughout the entire transition process has been amazing... his example has shown me how important it is to support the people you love. He's that kind of guy who shows me he loves me by his unselfishness.

Another memory made at Friendly's... Now when I drive by, I can't believe I'm where I am in life and am so thankful that Robbie May is still in my life. I miss you, best friend. Thank you for being the stable part in my unstable life. I don't know what I would do without you, nor do I ever want to find out. Friendly's date sometime? <3

I love you.

My Mama

With Thanksgiving only 3 weeks away, it's on my mind (not going to lie, a break from school and work are always valued). So I was reminded today how blessed I am to have my mom.

I walk in my room after a full day of classes and work and on bed lays folded laundry, ironed dress pants, and a box of mint hot chocolate packs with a little note attached.

I walk in the kitchen and there are fresh cookies baked and dinner simmering in the crockpot.

Then, my mom walks up to my room and says to me, "Hi honey, how was your day? I was praying for you!"

My mom is one of the greatest blessings in my life. She gives up so much by staying home so that I can be successful in starting my life and career. She takes care of me and is always ready to talk to me about anything... I walk in the door and she always has a listening ear. I never realized why my mom stayed home or why it is so important for mom's to be at home...until now.

I know I wouldn't be the same person if she would not have been there for me at any moment of any day throughout my childhood and young adulthood.

Thank you Mama, I love you.

His creative power...

2 Cor. 4: 6: For God who commanded the light to shine out of darkness hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
This verse seems to directly parallel God's creative power in how He made the world to God's gracious power in how He worked in our hearts.

He created with His voice... and He is still creating by the Holy Spirit how works in our hearts to convict us of our need of a Savior. What a great parallel!

S e p a r a t e from suffering?

    My teacher in my medical nutrition therapy class said something that really got me thinking... We were talking about why illness occurs, both the physical and the spiritual side. As a follow-up to that class discussion, she continued on to talk about how we, as dietitians, will find ourselves in situations where we will be counselor, confidant, and comforter to our patients as they adjust to a new lifestyle. She told us, "you can't be separate from a person's suffering in order to be effective" ... Then she pointed us to Phil 1:29 which says, "For it has been granted for you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe on Him but also suffer for His sake."
  Then, I got to thinking.... Jesus was willing to suffer for us; Jesus is a God of comfort, Jesus is our friend in times of trouble; Jesus told us to weep with those who weep and laugh with those who laugh; Jesus told us to love our neighbor as ourselves... I'm to be like Jesus. I'm to be a light when all my patient can see is darkness in his or her present situation... I can't be separate from their sufferings if I'm to reach them with the hope that lies within me.

Separate from suffering?
No, sharing in suffering in order to be effective in breaking through the darkness.

"I Still Believe in You"

Scattered words and empty thoughts
seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
seems I don't know where to start
but it's now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
from every fingertip, washing away my pain

I still believe in Your faithfulness
I still believe in Your truth
I still believe in Your holy word
even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
with promises I still seem to bear
even when answers slowly unwind
it's my heart I see You prepare
but its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain
from every finger tip, washing away my pain

The only place I can go is into your arms
where I throw to you my feeble prayers
in brokenness I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know You are near

unexpected

I was sitting, sipping tea and sifting through notes. My window shutters clasped shut while the sun insisted on sneaking on through several leaky slats... catches.my.attention.
So I lifted the latch and slid the shutters open... a.glorious.sunset.

And so my thoughts turn to You, Creator...

"The heavens declare the glory of God;
   the skies proclaim the work of his hands." - Ps. 19